Confession #1

Sometime when I was 18-19ish I made a decision which has affected my life ever since. That decision was to decide that it's ok to lose my temper if someone repeat offends enough times in a particular way.
I have always found it hard to handle when someone says they will do something, then consistently over several months continues to not, no matter how many times they re-iterate that they will. After a while I start losing patience in these situations, and invariably end up losing my temper with the offending party one way or another.

It was with my mum where I made the decision to lose my temper 'justly' over a fairly petty issue, and that has stuck with me since. It's been I think nearly 10 years since that, and now I realise that this is actually not OK. That question I asked myself internally was something like 'if someone keeps saying they will do something, and consistently not, after how many times is it ok to explode at them?'. I answered myself 'quite a few', but I think now that answer (when it comes to my family and loved ones) needs to be zero.

Matthew 18²¹Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"  ²²Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Gratitude

I am so thankful to have been raised in such a great family. Me and my Dad are very close and spend lots of time together, my Mum is the sweetest most unconditionally loving person I have ever known, and my brother is one of my best friends and was best man at my wedding.

I am also so very thankful for my wife, who makes me laugh every day, and is always devoted and affectionate, and loves me with her whole heart, and for my baby son, who brings sheer raw joy like I've never known with his wide gleeful smile, and his coos and chuckles.

It's a privilege to be part of a church family too. Being a Christian is like a passport to finding a welcome in whatever town I find myself in, whether in the UK or the US. There is always a church, and almost always a warm greeting, cup of tea and conversation.

How anyone could ever be abusive to their child is utterly beyond me, although I suppose I haven't been on the receiving end of it in my life and so don't have a warped view of parenthood. 'Hurt people hurt people', is a true saying, and my life so far has been no bed of roses, dealing with anxiety attacks, depression and all that for most of it, but if it came down to a choice between having none of the medical issues I have to deal with, or having none of the family I have been blessed with, I wouldn't have a second's hesitation in choosing to have my family every time. The good stuff definitely outweighs the bad stuff, by a long long shot.

What a terrible thing it must be to be that person who continually sabotages themselves, and their relationships with family members. It must be a bitter pill to swallow. I really hope I never do anything to wreck the wonderful thing that is my family.

Benefits, Taxes, Classes, Capped Charges, Obligation, Morals and Me

The UK has a typical class system based on earnings. The poor end of Working Class survive mainly because of benefits such as Tax Credits, Housing Benefit, Child Benefit, Council Tax Benefit, Income Support etc.

These benefits are paid for by the government's fairly high tax on the Middle Class, and astronomical tax on the Upper Class, so quite often those people feel that they are basically paying for the survival of the poor and the lazy, and being penalized for being successful.

I am currently a member of the poorer end of Working Class, not because I am lazy, or because I am thick and incapable of finding a well-paid job, but because I am about to go to University for 4 years. It is likely that once I graduate with a Masters, I will be able to earn a very good income from the jobs which will then be available to me.

Whilst sympathizing with the Upper Class's resentment of their paying for the survival of alot of lazy people via benefits (which is probably true, alongside those with a genuine need and right to these benefits), I do think it is still right that they pay the taxes which they do.

Life is not fair at all. Somewhere in our teenage years or earlier the less sheltered of us figure that out, and the particularly unfortunate discover it much earlier. Some people are born with a brilliant mind, into a loving and wealthy family, who use their wealth with wisdom and support and nourish their children towards a fulfilling and very well-paid career, while some people are born into abusive homes in terrible neighbourhoods, are bullied, are unintelligent, and have very little skill in anything. Its just the luck of the draw. None of us chose our circumstances, we were just born into them utterly randomly.

It could be that the brilliant and wealthy child uses his abilities and connections to get a good job, into which he puts 100% effort. It could also be that the unintelligent and unskilled child also uses his limited abilities and limited connections to get a feeble job, into which he also puts 100% effort. Does either child deserve to survive more than the other? No. If they are already giving 100% is there anything more they could do? No. Is it fair, therefore, that people should be penalized for the class they were born into? Should anyone be penalized for something they did not choose nor had any control over? Absolutely not.

So who should shoulder the responsibility of providing much needed funds to life's less privileged? We probably all should, even those fellow poor should pay even a little tax towards the communal pot. Surely those who are wealthy and blessed with a luxurious lifestyle should be willing to pay a higher tax level so that those who are not so privileged, or who were not born with those abilities can have food, clothing, shelter and one or two creature comforts. 'From those to whom much is given, much is expected'.

Of course there will always be those who just abuse the system by signing on the dole and getting all the benefits when they are perfectly capable of working and doing their bit for their family and society, and they are the ones, I believe, who the Upper Class and much of the Middle Class are so resentful about having to support via taxes. However, if the tax system is changed so that this is no longer the case, then those underprivileged who have a legitimate claim to help will be denied, and we would be throwing the baby out with the bath water so to speak.

The tax system also pays for the majority of University tuition fees, capping the amount which is charged at around three and a half grand per year for British Citizens. Oxford and Cambridge have been campaigning to remove the cap, but my issue with that, is again the removal of opportunity for the working classes to get qualified and to rise above their position.

Without the cap it would be increasingly difficult to get qualified and to have serious goals and ambitions to have a high flying career. The same opportunities should be available to everyone, and once I have my degree, and have completed University study to whichever level I decide, I hope I never resent paying the higher bracket of income tax, because without the current system, I would not have been able to get there.

Winter, London, and the Future

The weather has just started to turn this last week or so, and a cold edge has started to come in (thank God). Wont be long now til the weather is becoming decidedly winterish, til we start making family plans, wearing thick coats and scarves, and buying in bottles of festive liquor... This year if I can I want to make it through to Richmond for the turning on of the Christmas Tree Lights, where they give out hot drinks and glasses of sherry in the freezing weather. Awesomeness...

Two Christmases ago we were in Richmond (one of the most magical places in the world) for New Years Eve, and as it drew near to midnight we left the pub we were in and went to the town centre, where there must've been 200 people all gathered round the town Obelisk, counting down the last minute, then cheering, hugging and kissing. It was cool. We might do it again this year.

It will seem like no time till I am looking back on this blog and have completed my course. Hopefully I will have my masters too, and maybe we will live in London. I want to experience Christmas in London, I want to walk through trafalgar square when it is snowing, wrapped up in a warm coat with my family, holding a black umbrella, watching the cabs drive past, and planning a hot meal when we get back to the house involving several courses infront of a roaring log fire...