Well, Austin lasted 2 weeks. We stayed there very briefly, I played a few gigs, which were fun, then we had to make a decision. The recession was at its height, and I was having an impossible time getting any kind of job. I promised Sydney before moving to Austin, that the next move would be to England, and so we decided to make that move. The day after making this decision, we found out that Sydney is pregnant! So all very good timing really.
We used every penny we had left for the air fares to England, and after staying with my parents for a few months, we are now settled in our first house, in Darlington. I am now working fulltime for a Telecomms company in England, and performing live with a new band every week.
Sydney is due to give birth in 8 days to our first son, Joel Daniel Hargreaves, and I cant wait. We originally thought our first child would be a girl (Eisley Hannah), but the scans proved us categorically wrong, which is totally fine.
Seeing little Joel move inside Sydney's tummy is mind blowing, feeling a little limb push up against my hand from the womb has made me feel a kind of wonder and love I've never felt before. I am very excited to be a father, and with Gods grace, hopefully I wont wreck my kids life too much, as psychologists say dads are so apt to do. I know now, and knew from before we were even pregnant, that I am going to make tons of mistakes with my children, probably different ones to the ones my dad made, and my son will grow up with a few pet peeves about me that he vows never to replicate with his children. I kinda feel the realest thing to do is to simply accept that this is going to happen no matter what, and just do my best anyway.
There is a lot of injustice in the world. Bosses who abuse their positions, kids who bully and pick on each other to impress their peers, there are just a lot of horrible people in the world. I don't really think I'm saying this out of a jaded negative world view, I just think its the truth. It makes me so angry to see people abuse one another, makes me want to take action, wakes up a violent desire in me to see justice served to these people. As a Christian it is a comfort to know that every idiot, including me, will have to answer to God for every idiotic word and action, and will be repaid accordingly, and fairly. A terrifying and somehow gratifying thought.
It is a truly horrifying thought, how much control we have over our own destinies. As Christians so often we imagine that this responsibility does not lie with us, and that if we just go with the flow of life, and simply roll with whatever opens up to us, God will make sure we fulfill our dreams and desires, and his dreams and desires for us. I don't believe that. The responsibility of making my life valuable and worthwhile is brought home to me stronger now than ever, as the birth of my first child is just days away. What I decide to do with my life - ie study, work hard, achieve etc will directly affect not only my destiny, not only Sydneys destiny, but the destiny of this desperately vulnerable little baby who is about to be entrusted 100% into complete dependence on us. I could just as easily choose to be a lazy unemployed waster, as I could to climb a corporate ladder, chase the dream of being a signed musician, or go to college and get further training.
I still like to think that God is there in the background however, watching over the decisions I make, and protecting me in some un-guessable way from making any really truly disastrous stupid choices that could ruin me and my families future. Fingers crossed eh?
We used every penny we had left for the air fares to England, and after staying with my parents for a few months, we are now settled in our first house, in Darlington. I am now working fulltime for a Telecomms company in England, and performing live with a new band every week.
Sydney is due to give birth in 8 days to our first son, Joel Daniel Hargreaves, and I cant wait. We originally thought our first child would be a girl (Eisley Hannah), but the scans proved us categorically wrong, which is totally fine.
Seeing little Joel move inside Sydney's tummy is mind blowing, feeling a little limb push up against my hand from the womb has made me feel a kind of wonder and love I've never felt before. I am very excited to be a father, and with Gods grace, hopefully I wont wreck my kids life too much, as psychologists say dads are so apt to do. I know now, and knew from before we were even pregnant, that I am going to make tons of mistakes with my children, probably different ones to the ones my dad made, and my son will grow up with a few pet peeves about me that he vows never to replicate with his children. I kinda feel the realest thing to do is to simply accept that this is going to happen no matter what, and just do my best anyway.
There is a lot of injustice in the world. Bosses who abuse their positions, kids who bully and pick on each other to impress their peers, there are just a lot of horrible people in the world. I don't really think I'm saying this out of a jaded negative world view, I just think its the truth. It makes me so angry to see people abuse one another, makes me want to take action, wakes up a violent desire in me to see justice served to these people. As a Christian it is a comfort to know that every idiot, including me, will have to answer to God for every idiotic word and action, and will be repaid accordingly, and fairly. A terrifying and somehow gratifying thought.
It is a truly horrifying thought, how much control we have over our own destinies. As Christians so often we imagine that this responsibility does not lie with us, and that if we just go with the flow of life, and simply roll with whatever opens up to us, God will make sure we fulfill our dreams and desires, and his dreams and desires for us. I don't believe that. The responsibility of making my life valuable and worthwhile is brought home to me stronger now than ever, as the birth of my first child is just days away. What I decide to do with my life - ie study, work hard, achieve etc will directly affect not only my destiny, not only Sydneys destiny, but the destiny of this desperately vulnerable little baby who is about to be entrusted 100% into complete dependence on us. I could just as easily choose to be a lazy unemployed waster, as I could to climb a corporate ladder, chase the dream of being a signed musician, or go to college and get further training.
I still like to think that God is there in the background however, watching over the decisions I make, and protecting me in some un-guessable way from making any really truly disastrous stupid choices that could ruin me and my families future. Fingers crossed eh?
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